Catching the Thread

I think I've realized something. I've been doing a lot of things the last few weeks, trying to understand myself a bit better, and I noticed certain patterns. This has been a different, and sometimes even difficult year. Among other things, I kinda lost fun doing stuff for myself. I do a lot of stuff at work and I love doing that but I hardly do stuff at home after, or on weekends. It even got so far that I even continued with work stuff at home. So I would rather keep doing someone else's project than doing my own. And if I found myself with some free time I did spend that time consuming content than creating something.

Now back to the epiphany I had today. In the past, I always set certain goals, like writing a blog post every day, taking a picture every day, recording a vlog, drawing something, or doing something creative every day. And usually, I start these kinds of repeating tasks with a new year, a new month, or maybe a new week. Once I'm doing those repeating tasks day after day after day I'm in some kind of zone and then I always got more ideas about things I could do, always. But the moment I just miss doing those tasks for a day I'm out of the loop and I can't catch that thread anymore and gone is the whole being in the zone thing.

By the way, it's not just creative things, but also with sports. Take the Apple Watch Fitness Rings for example. Last July I go so into closing my fitness rings that I did whatever was necessary to close them every day and I took daily walks, worked out a bit more, and got into shape, I just wanted to close those rings. I had a closing streak of 356 days, a full year and that's when I got COVID-19 and it was physically not possible to close the ring at that time. What happened once I was healthy again? I thought to myself:

oh why start taking those walks again, it doesn't matter anymore anyway

Gone was the moment and the will to keep that streak going.

So what have I learned or what do I take away from all that? I need to set myself goals, I need those daily tasks in order for me to get ideas for bigger projects. Getting ideas and being creative is work, those things don't just pop into my head when I'm watching a movie or a TV Show I need to sit down and do the work. The hardest thing to do though is to start. To make that first step because usually I just find some excuse to start the next day and then the next day until I don't even try to start anymore. It's that first step that's kinda hard to do right now. In the past, a new month or year has helped.

So either I wait for a new month (hint September is coming) or even worse for a new year or I just start and don't depend on some special new cycle.

I know this post must feel confusing but I wanted to get this all off my chest and maybe it was some sort of effect, who knows. I keep you guys posted.